What to notice — without losing your head

Mood & behavior

Not one bad day — a real shift you can feel.

• More withdrawn, anxious or irritable than usual, especially after time on a particular app.
• Loss of interest in friends, sport or things they used to love.
• Anger or tears out of proportion to what just happened.
• Talk that worries you — hopelessness, self-blame, or hints they've been pressured to hurt themselves.

Secrecy around the screen

Privacy is normal at a certain age. Secrecy plus change is different.

• Flipping or hiding the screen the moment you walk in.
• New accounts, second accounts or usernames you've never heard of.
• Clearing messages, browser history or app icons in ways they didn't before.
• An out-of-proportion reaction when the device is taken, checked, or simply put on the kitchen bench.

Sleep, body & school

Screens at night are the single biggest tell.

• A lot more time online, especially late at night or in the early hours.
• Tiredness, headaches, changes in appetite, not wanting to go to school.
• Slipping grades or teachers mentioning they're flat or distracted.

New 'friends', contacts or gifts

A classic grooming and sextortion pattern — across games, DMs and chat apps.

• A new 'online friend' you've never met and never heard of before.
• Someone pushing to move the chat to another app (Snapchat, Discord, Telegram, WhatsApp).
• Rushed secrecy — 'don't tell your parents', 'this is just between us'.
• Gifts, vouchers, in-game currency, skins or money showing up unexplained.
• Anyone — friend or stranger — asking for a photo 'to prove who you are'.

Signs tied to specific harms

Patterns the eSafety Commissioner and AFP flag again and again.

• Sextortion: panic after sending a photo, frantic messages, sudden requests for money or gift cards. Reported in cases involving Australian children as young as primary-school age.
• Bullying: dreading a particular group chat, leaving and rejoining accounts, screenshots they won't show you.
• Grooming: a much older 'friend' who is unusually kind, attentive, and quick to move to private chat.
• AI-chatbot harm: long emotional conversations with a chatbot, secrecy about the app, or a chatbot being described as their 'best friend'.

Keep talking, and make it safe to come to you

The single most protective rule in our house: if anyone ever pressures or threatens you over a photo or a chat, you're not in trouble and you come straight to me. A child who fears losing the phone, or being blamed, is a child who stays silent.

Be curious, not the police

'What's everyone playing at the moment?' beats 'show me your phone right now.' You're trying to keep the door open, not win a single argument.

Tighten the settings, but don't only rely on them

Private accounts, DMs off or friends-only, screen-time limits at night, and a charging spot outside the bedroom do a lot of quiet work. Pair them with conversation — not instead of it.

If it's already happened — don't pay, don't send more, don't delete

Blackmailers never stop at one. Stop replying, block them — but keep the messages and screenshots, they're evidence. Then report.